Tag: Created for a purpose

Contented or contended?

by Dr Lee Chyi LAM, posted in Food for Thought

Even before the invention of smartphone and social media, I had already contracted the disorder of FOMO[1].  If you do not know what FOMO stands for, the chance is you do not have the disorder.  If after checking what FOMO stands for (on the footnote), you think you have the disorder, I am afraid you are missing out.

Even before I started school, I had a “phobia” of slipping into sleep during the day, when the sun was still shining.  Life was full of activities, and I was paranoid of missing out during my nap.  Afternoon nap was never a routine in my early memories.  On the few occasions that I slipped into the sin of sleepiness under the bright sunlight, and fell into a slumber against my sluggish will, I would wake up inconsolable, “What did I miss out during my sleep?” 

I did not know that I had FOMO as it was not a known condition until the late nineties, and has only become increasingly recognised in the last 10-20 years, with the rising popularity of social media.

FOMO comes in various forms – the needs to be constantly connected to social media, obsessed with reading all the news to keep up-to-date with the world, inability to say “no” just in case we miss out, inability to commit just in case something better comes up, etc. 

How did I contract such disorder at such a young age?  When I reflected on this, I discovered a few traits underlying such disorder.

I am not enough.

I must perform and outdo others.

I must possess the “right” kinds of things, people, status.

I must please others and be popular.

Do you recognise such traits? The notion that I am not enough the way I am, I must perform and be perceived to be doing something, I must achieve.  I must possess something of value, something enviable – be it a nice car, a luxurious house, a beautiful wife, a to-die-for husband, a successful career…  Even then, if I do not get enough “likes” on my social media posts, there must be something wrong with me.

If no one puts a stop to these, the inevitable outcome is the obsession with “self” – to only think about myself, and only invest in my own interest.  People are there for my advantage and my advancement.  These further breeds discontentment and ingratitude.  The grass is always greener on the other side.

I am not claiming that I am cured of FOMO, but Someone did put a stop to these, so that I can have an afternoon nap without guilt, to disconnect myself from social media without fear, to make a choice without the worries that not everyone will like me for it.  I discovered a few truths that overcome such disorder.

I am created for a purpose.

I have an intrinsic value and worth, irrespective of my ability, achievement, and approval of others.

I am unique and have different gifts and talents from others.

I am allowed to make mistakes, and not be defined by them.

I do not need to compare myself with others.  The grass is not always greener on the other side.  I can appreciate and enjoy life despite its imperfection.  I am free to venture out into the unknown.  I have the resources and resilience to learn from my mistakes.      

Do you suffer from FOMO?  Will you exchange the traits underlying such disorder for the truths to overcome?  Do you live life to get as many “likes” as possible?  Or do you have the freedom to follow your unique calling in life?    

Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at something that doesn’t really matter. – D.L. Moody (American evangelist, the founder of Moody Bible Institute)

[1] FOMO = Fear Of Missing Out

Embrace our own uniqueness

by Dr Lee Chyi LAM, posted in Stories of Resilience

It might sound weird, but I am often secretly glad that I am a “singleton” – I don’t mean being single, I mean being born singly, not one of multiple births, especially not one of identical twins.  It must be very distressing to have a “double” living so close in one’s life.  We know we shouldn’t, but we all tend to compare.  It is human nature to compare. 

I once knew a set of identical twins.  Their identicalness stops at their physical features.  There was nothing else identical in all their other aspects.  The older sister (by two minutes) was quiet, proper, unassuming and deferential; whereas the younger was bubbly, exuberant, outgoing and animated.  If one was a water cracker, the other a sweet cookie; if one was a daisy, the other a rose.  One was often overshadowed by the other, the background of a centrepiece.

One day I asked the older sister the most insensitive question, “Does it bother you that she (the younger sister) gets all the attention?”  Her answer surprised me, more so because she was only 15 years old at the time, “I don’t like to attract attention.  I’m glad that my sister and I are not the same.  I think it helps that my parents accept us for who we are.  My dad always said that he’s glad to have two daughters, instead of one in two different bodies.”

And this… IS RESILIENCE!

Resilience is to be confident and comfortable with who we are, without the need to compare ourselves with others; it is a strong sense of identity and self-acceptance.

The lesson I learnt: embrace our own strengths and uniqueness; when we grasp the fact that we are created uniquely for specific purposes, it gives us the assurance to be who we are.

If you are a parent, do not compare your children with anyone else; accept them for who they are, help them to discover their strengths and to become who they were created to be.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – How well I know it. (Psalms 139: 13-14)