Do you think you are an appreciative person? Do you show appreciation when you receive an act of kindness from someone? Why or why not?
Once, I went to a fine dining restaurant with a group of friends. The atmosphere was agreeable, the food ambrosial, and the attendants attentive. At that stage, fine dining was a novelty to me. I was impressed by the attendants – their knowledge of the food and drink they served, and the customer service they provided. That night, one attendant particularly stood out. He was knowledgeable, friendly, and went out of his way to accommodate our requests.
After the attendant left our table, a friend expressed how impressed she was with the service we received, but then another friend, a “veteran fine-diner” (VFD), blurted out, “This is his job, you know, and he expects a handsome tip at the end of this!”
I have to admit that after hearing that comment, it somehow diminished my appreciation for the attendant. After all, he was only doing his job, and his motive was to get a handsome tip from us, how manipulative!
However, when I reflected on the event, I realised what had happened, and recognised two “appreciation assassins”: 1) expectation, and 2) negative assumption. When we believe that people only show us kindness out of duty, or to benefit themselves, our hearts become hardened, which makes it difficult to show our appreciation.
When my VFD friend pointed out that the attendant was merely doing his job, my appreciation was instantly shadowed by my expectation: he was paid to serve, so he was expected to know his stuff and to serve well.
Another “appreciation assassin” is when we assume someone’s motive to be selfish and self-serving. My VFD friend’s assumption of the attendant’s self-serving motive automatically makes her and the people around her unappreciative of the service we received. Instead, we felt manipulated.
So, are you an appreciative person? If not, why not? Are you expecting too much of yourself or others? Do you always assume the worst about others? As we come to the end of 2020, let us learn to appreciate what we have and receive, and annihilate the “appreciation assassins” in our life.
Real Life Resilience 